March 16, 2005

First, the good:

I finally finished my Kid Mohair cardi!

But here comes the bad:

I haven't been able to debut it. It is, as I type this, pinned like the bad boy that it is to my "blocking board".

Why isn't it ready for wear? Here's the ugly one endures when one finishes a Kid Mohair cardi:

Early Saturday morning, one discovers one has one's apartment all to oneself. Makes morning coffee and spends more time than necessary doing one thing: Sewing the blasted 1x1 rib front bands together at the back. First tries backstitch. Hmm...not bad. But! Anal-retentive self thinks: "I bet it would look even better if it were grafted". Tries grafting. Decides it makes the join [remember, this is Kid Mohair] look like a hairball a cat spit up. Oops! Rips out and tries grafting on knit one, purl one ribbing described in Vogue Knitting. Discovers that it looks like something a cat used to sharpen its claws. Painfully rips out again. Decides that backstitch was the way to go the first time and mentally kicks oneself in the butt for having ripped it out in the first place. Does the freaking backstitch. AGAIN.

After ripping out front band seam as described above, decides that fudging wouldn't be a good idea to sew the bands to the front neck edges. (Bands were knit at tighter gauge than cardi, so bands have more stitches than front neck edges.) Does math. Starts sewing. Puts cardi aside as family wakes up and interrupts work.

That evening, resumes sewing of front bands to cardi. Sews them successfully. Runs excitedly to mirror to try on cardi. Discovers that front bands flare out hideously. Shakes fist in air. Throws cardi in knitting bag. Feels that one is a lousy knitter and vows to run away and join the circus.

Early next morning, gives cardi another chance. Painfully rips out front bands. Changes stitch to stitch ratio when sewing in an attempt to fix the hideous flare. Tries on cardi again. Damn flare is still there. Realizes that Phildar technical editors were smoking crack when writing pattern. Puts cardi aside and decides to rip out - AGAIN - and shorten front bands even though crack-smoking pattern writers want them longer.

Next day, front bands are ripped out, shortened about 4 cm and then backstitched - one assumes - correctly. Starts sewing front bands again and about ten mins into the task discovers that a BONEHEAD MOMENT occurred: When joining bands at the back (for the third time, mind you) one of the bands was twisted around. Argh. Curses fly about like it's a party of sailors. Rips out backstitch, turns band correctly and resews. Sewing of front bands resumes and is completed. Runs to mirror to try on cardi and the chorus of Handel's Messiah thunders in the background as one discovers that the front bands look great. [Look, Ma! No flare!] Puts cardi aside.

Early next morning, ribbon ties are sewn to the inside for closure. Button gets sewn on. Runs to mirror to try on cardi. Screams in horror when seeing that front parts look strangely bunched-up when cardi is closed. Rips out button and tries sewing on again, this time carefully marking the place where it would look best. Sews on again. Runs to mirror. Improved, but not much. Throws cardi aside and swears to put it at the bottom of the dog's bed for causing such headaches.

Heads out, has hot chocolate and lemon pie in patisserie. In the middle of a bite of lemon pie, has a brief Einstein moment when the following flashes in one's mind like a neon sign: BLOCK THE DICKENS OUT OF THE FRONT PARTS, SLAPPY.

Returns home. Looks carefully at cardi. Realizes that front parts look bunched up when closed because the double decreases for neck shaping cause slightly wonky row tension. Pulls out blocking board, fills iron with water, pins the cardi down and gives the neck shaping a steaming it'll never forget. Tries on cardi one hour later and tap dances in front of the mirror. [Look, Ma! Nice fronts!]

Decides that the cardi needs refreshing after all that front band ripping. Throws it in gentle cycle and washes with special wool soap. Pulls cardi out of washing machine and mentally praises the yarn gods for making Kid Mohair because it washes like a dream. Places cardi on blocking board again, pins down the neck shaping again (just in case), and hopes for a Kid Mohair cardi debut this weekend. Has pre-celebration drink.

[Whew.]

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